i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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