He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
