I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
