dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
