did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
