A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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