I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
