So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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