im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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