Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize