You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
