Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
