I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I need moral support for this bender
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
