....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
