i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
