just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
