My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
