look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
