Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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