So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
