so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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