You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
