Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
