i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
