If that was your dad, he is hot
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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