I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
