took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
