i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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