dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
