my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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