i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
