I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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