So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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