I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
