just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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