White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
