Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
