But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
