Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
