arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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