The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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