Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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