i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize