I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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