How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
