and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
