Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
