i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
