I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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