Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
