we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
