Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
