remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
