weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
