I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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