I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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