you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
