i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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