genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
