A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
