were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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