I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
