she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
