She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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