when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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