New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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