I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
